"This Wasn't a Choice She Made"

Back in October we headed up to Beijing (our other Chinese hometown) to spend the holiday with friends and family. As part of that visit, I sat down with Mike Shaw to record an episode of his podcast Migratory Patterns. I wasn’t sure I had a lot to offer as a guest. I am happy to say that the conversation we had based on Mike central question “Where is home for you?” let me reflect deeply on my experience as someone who has lived away from home for most of my adult life, as well as raising a child between cultures.

Mike’s decision to title the episode “This Wasn’t a Choice She Made” sums up a lot of how I approach parenting in very different circumstances than I was raised. I wasn’t really sure where this conversation would go, and I apologize in advance to the real China scholars in the room for my inability to remember dates and numbers correctly. That aside, this was a very special recording that served as an opportunity for reflection, and a chance to record some of our journey as a family for my daughter. We listened to the podcast together, and I admit I was nervous about her reaction. She’s a teenager now, and like all teens is asserting her own identity, ideas. thoughts and autonomy. In the end it let her ask some questions, clarified some decisions I made about her education and remaining in China, and gave her a record of how I see the world right now.

Feedback from friends, especially those who have also lived away a long time, has been incredibly positive. Many have mentioned that the conversation encouraged them to reflect on their own time in China, managing changing family transitions, my defense of Shanghai as “Real China” and even the way the discussion of my story was not focused on how my life was tied to the men in my life but how I navigate this life on my own terms. It’s sparked wonderful discussions and even encouraged others to find ways to share their deep experiences that do not necessarily follow the standard expat in China narrative.

Mike is maturing as a podcast host, and continues to find fascinating guests to interview. He’s interviewed some fascinating people and asks questions that don’t always get much space for discussion. You can listen my episode of Migratory Patterns here, or download it on your favourite podcasting app.